Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
