His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
