i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
