Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
