she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
