it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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