you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
