Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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