I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
