why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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