I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
