Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
