things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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