I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it glows. i had to have it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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