they need to just BURY HIM!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
