If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
