thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
