and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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