last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
