My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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