do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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