well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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