I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
