allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
