We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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