Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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