I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
