I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
