I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
