The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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