my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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