she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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