Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
