my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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