My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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