remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
