the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
