he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
