I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
