Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
