theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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