We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
