I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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