Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
