Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How external is "for external use only"?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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