there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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