Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
