at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
