Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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