So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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