Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
