Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
