we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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